Here Goes Nothing

Hello all, and a Happy belated Valentine's Day!  Pretty much the only references that I heard to the holiday all day were from my American friends so it was easy to forget haha.  I'm going to try and take some time now to explain to everyone why so many of my statuses on Facebook seem to include sad faces.  I would first like to mention some good things about being here so that no one accuses me of being a complete pessimist:

1. There's plenty of food here that I like.  Even though some things are new for me, and I'm a self-proclaimed picky eater, I actually try everything I'm given and eat as much as I can fit or as much as I can tolerate.  Usually, the food falls into one of these categories: ham, tortilla (which is more like an American omelet), ham, fish/seafood, ham, a bean dish, fruit, or what was it called again? oh yeah HAM!!!!  And fortunately I like all that food, yes even the ham, and the only thing I don't like is the near incessant presence of vinegar which to me is rather like sucking on a lemon in the middle of dinner.

2. My señora has done a lot to help me feel comfortable and we talk everyday about what I've done in school and she explains Spanish current events to me.  This is a great time to learn about the world around me and have the opportunity to clear up misunderstandings.

3. I have made friends here, both Spanish and American.  I really love spending time with my 2 friends Krystal and Arden.  We laugh together and rant together about things we don't understand here.  If we are tired enough, we are all equally nutty and that's always a lot of fun.  Plus, THEY SPEAK ENGLISH!!!!  I never could have imagined just how important it would be to have a chance to explain things in your own language sometimes.  Also, I've met a group of young people at my new church who is eager to talk to me and help me.

So now that I have put your minds at ease and proven that no one here is beating me or anything, I feel free to express why I'm so disgruntled.

It's been very difficult to adjust to being here.  It seems as though everything that I'm bad at is what people expect of me here.  For example, I'm not fluent in Spanish, I'm very precise, I like to know things ahead of time, I have high standards for how I treat others and vice versa, and I'm very serious.  Anyone who knows me, knows these things about me or chances are we aren't very good friends haha.  In any case, being here in Spain, people are the exact opposite of that list. 

Everyone here is of course fluent, not much bothers them about life in general, no one says please or thank you because they believe it creates an artificial atmosphere between people of needing to be too formal, and (while they are passionate about life) they are not very serious about things that are important to me like faith, modesty, respect (unless it's between parents and children), and having a different opinion.  As with every generalization, there are exceptions to the rule.  But I have found that most exceptions are either when people first meet you and feel they must be polite (later they decide this isn't very important to continue) or they occur amongst people I've met at church and I only see them on Sundays. 

The rest of the week I'm dealing with everyone else.  And many of the Americans are as bad.  Some students in my class are brusque and snide.  I don't think they know as much as they believe they do, but would rather spend their time sounding intelligent than actually following through with being intelligent.  Even so, there are some who are quite intelligent and seem to use this as a weapon instead of to help others.  About 1/2-3/4 of the class is actually quite nice, or at least has the potential to be nice and I enjoy chatting with them.

I am constantly defending my faith which makes it hard to actually learn something.  Do you ever see soldiers reading the Aeneid on the battlefield?  No.  They're too busy shooting a gun or ducking.  And when I say that I believe something, people act like I've committed some grave sin by daring to appeal to a higher morality.  Sorry, did I uncover your secret?  I understand that for anyone who doesn't believe in Christ they live by a different (not necessarily bad, but certainly different) code of morality.  What I don't understand is how so many people can sit there and not say anything when the very foundation of our society is continually and vehemently being attacked.  To say that everything is relative is itself an arbitrary statement.  I think the last guy who tried get away with that (Nietzsche) failed pretty badly.  I don't mind people believing differently, but nothing gives anyone the right to tell me what to believe...ever.

Well, I will add just one more thing for now so as not to overwhelm anyone with my concerns.  I am finding it terribly difficult to talk to people here.  It is not the language barrier which causes me problems but rather an entirely different cultural paradigm at work.  When you say, oh I understand that people here don't say excuse me when they bump into you because most people here don't care, but I do care and I don't like it, they say "you are judging our culture too quickly."  Hmm, last time I checked that was an opinion and not a judgment.  A lot of people (certainly not everyone, because I haven't met everyone yet) seem to think that if you disagree then clearly you are missing something important because "todo el mundo piensa así" (the whole world thinks that way).  Funny thing is that I'm pretty sure that when they say the whole world they mean Seville, because I know for sure that "the whole world" does not think the same way.  And I'm the narrow-minded one?  Heaven forbid I just have a different perspective (not like that's ever happened in the US *cough cough*)

For example, if you are sick, it's because you don't eat enough.  Funny, I thought it was because of pathogens in the air that invade our respiratory system...and I think their are a fair number of scientists who would agree with me.  I understand the need to be hospitable and get your guests to eat more food, but there comes a point where it is more hospitable to let me eat what I can, believe me when I say I'm sick, not call me a hypochondriac, and not smirk every time I say something that sounds odd to you.  BTW, everything in Spain sounds odd to me and believe me I am trying not to judge anybody.  It just so happens that every fiber of my being wants to go the opposite direction as people here and it can get tough.

Well, enough for now.  I just thought people might want to know why some of my days are bad and I know for sure that I needed to get that out.  It very well might improve, but if anything I suspect that I will learn how to function here more than I will actually agree with how people live here.  Who knows, maybe things won't bother be so much one day, but right now it's hard.  Please keep praying for me!

Amanda q:p